I need a retreat

It's my day off, but really, I have so much to do at home that I can't find time to refresh. I need some time, though, because too much is happening all at once.

Something strange is happening at the church, and I can't tell if it is good or bad. I think it's the chaos before the good really. We have an interim pastor and a pretty young/new staff right now, so that always shakes things up, especially in a Presbyterian church.

I didn't grow up Presby and have always worked/worshipped in Methodist churches, so the culture is a little new to me, more new than I thought it would be. Plus, the area is pretty affluent, and I'm used to working with either inner city kids or less affluent suburban families. I mean, many of the issues are the same with all CM work or any work with volunteers really (apathy, lethargy, misuse of time, etc), but there's some spirit in this church that I can't quite put my finger on. All I know is that I have the strongest urge to fall down literally on my knees and pray for us without ceasing.

For the past few weeks, I've had several somewhat negative encounters. They aren't negative outright but in a way that I can't put my finger on. They just feel negative. I know I sound like a nutjob, but there's something just weird. There's much much much miscommunication, and I am usually the queen of communication (English major, afterall), but I'm having trouble getting people to correctly hear what I have to say. Also, there's intense division happening. The different services are divided against each other. People with different backgrounds are dividing against each other. Parents divide against each other into little cliques--parents of preschoolers don't mingle with parents of elementary or parents of jr high, etc., and they all vehemently fight for their group without regard for another.

Sunday school groups are fighting to steal people (to be the popular group), and small groups aren't open to receive others. It's like rush week at college. I hated rush week, and I hate seeing that culture permeate a church, the success driven culture.

Another weird thing: The school district is the new church. School activities trump any church activities, and man, let me tell you, these people have themselves stacked with school activities. And if their kids are homeschooled, they are stacked with park district activities, particularly sports. The swim team forces parents to attend and work every meet, and they do so without questioning (well, I have to do it or little Suzee will get kicked off the team and won't get scholarships, and I know that she's only 6, but you've got to plan ahead for her future), but they won't volunteer at a church event. Again a focus on success, whatever that means.

Where is the future? Is the future in little Suzee's college years, when empty nest mom and dad have no idea what to do now that they aren't micromanaging her life? According to an article in Psychology Today and further discussed on A Nation of Wimps, with cell phones, they will continue to micromanage. Suzee needs them to.

Or is the future much farther ahead (or closer than we think)? What about her future with God? What about her present with God?

I'm not articulating my thoughts well because I can't even get a grasp on them, but I just feel like weeping or praying or both for the church, and though I think that we are headed for something great, the "right now" is very troubling.